*VOMIT*
Apologies all for that cringe inducing and self indulgent title - but believe me it's about to get worse (or maybe just a little more honest)! For the longest time I have been meaning to get back onto my faithful old wildflowers blog (I thought about creating something new but that would take far too much effort), so this is me just jotting down a quick hello and pushing myself into writing something down.
Like I say I have been meaning to get back to writing for ages, and I think what has been stopping me was the constant, nagging, self doubting thought - 'who cares what I have to say?'. Well, in fact, I have come to the fairly easy realisation that I'm probably right! I'm not saying anything new or ground breaking or poignant and really none of this is very important to anyone except one person - myself. (*Double vomit*)
Sure, maybe my musing and ramblings are interesting to my parents and some of my more dedicated pals but really the person that this is most important to is me. I won't go into it too much, but in recent years I have felt that I have lost some of myself in some way - I don't write for fun any more, I don't have the same level of obsessive interests that I used to and some of my curiosity seems to have dwindled.
Something that I think may have contributed to this is my entry into the 'adult world' and chats with friends that graduated from uni around the same time as me have gone some way to confirm this. I'm more worried these days, more confused about what I want from life and more self critical and quite honestly when I have time off from work I want just want to decompress by slubbing on the sofa watching Netflix or going out and have fun getting drunk! The main effect of all this is that I think I've probably just become a little unfocused and listless - too busy just trying to be a functioning grown up to think about developing myself or where I am going in my life.
That's why as a little exercise in self-development and mental well being I have decided it's time to stop making excuses and get back to writing, and maybe back to a little missing bit of myself in the process. The posts might not be regular, or consistent, or even very interesting, but this is something that I really want to do - as practice for my prospective future career and just to make myself FEEL GOOD!
Hopefully see you soon,
Daisy
